You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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