I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
