I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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