Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize