Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
