I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
