I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
