Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
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i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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