friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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