The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
