Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
