So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
