I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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