I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
