It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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