If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
