Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
