My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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