If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
