Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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