If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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