dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
