i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
