Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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