Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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