when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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