I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
