Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
