One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
