Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
