Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
