Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
