I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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