sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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