so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
