I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
