Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
