there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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