even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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