we're chasing vodka with high fives
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
do nipples grow back?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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