one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
