He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
