Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
