If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
