I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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