I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
