It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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