did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
