1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
