well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
