I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That was an excessively violent trivia night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
