They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
