I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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