go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
