I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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