we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
