I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
