I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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