when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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