New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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